I Love the man I used to be....
...Every step he took was leading up to the man I am today.
Funny thing, everyone like to feel that they are in control of their own lives, and when we feel out of control we do whatever it takes to regain it; or even a false sense of it. Some people cut themselves to regain control, others vomit, some even abuse others.
I cant say for sure but I guess these feelings in the beginning were my way of having control, regaining control. But in the end I have found, if not all of myself, a good portion of what I like. I mean im still learning about myself but who isint? Im 21 sure I might know what my favorite color or movie is but im still evolving. The man I am today is different from the man I was yesterday and different from the man I will be tomorrow.
These feelings are something that I own. They are a part of me. They do not define me. They are mearly a piece of what makes up the man you're reading before you. I am capable of Love on many levels.
Where's that perfect world where there's no violence and stress and strife. I know now that that world is nonexistant. It never existed. Innocence is reserved the unwilling and helpless. I own my distinctive emotions and attractions that the world cant seem to comprehend. Having to watch what I say and do, im always on call. Many different roles I am called to play but no one seems to appreciate them.
Sometime it get hard, but in the face of everything you have to press on. No one can ever see you naked. My eyes are glossed over with the hatred of the world. The images I have seen, the things I have heard, the horrific thoughts that plague me everyday. No one knows my pain, nor would I want them to.
With all this weighing heavily on my mind and body 24 hours a day, 365 days a year it's a suprise I havent went completly crazy but in order to go crazy I would have to have a complete loss of control, everyone likes to feel that they are in control of their own lives, and when we feel out of control we do whatever it takes to regain it.
...Every step he took was leading up to the man I am today.
Im here,
Whats up with this preference and these feelings? Im sure its the question many would like to ask but... Why? Why would you like to know the answer? Is knowing my take on my own life going to somehow improve the quality of your own? I mean I can make excuses for how I feel. I cant take back what ive done.Funny thing, everyone like to feel that they are in control of their own lives, and when we feel out of control we do whatever it takes to regain it; or even a false sense of it. Some people cut themselves to regain control, others vomit, some even abuse others.
I cant say for sure but I guess these feelings in the beginning were my way of having control, regaining control. But in the end I have found, if not all of myself, a good portion of what I like. I mean im still learning about myself but who isint? Im 21 sure I might know what my favorite color or movie is but im still evolving. The man I am today is different from the man I was yesterday and different from the man I will be tomorrow.
These feelings are something that I own. They are a part of me. They do not define me. They are mearly a piece of what makes up the man you're reading before you. I am capable of Love on many levels.
Where's that perfect world where there's no violence and stress and strife. I know now that that world is nonexistant. It never existed. Innocence is reserved the unwilling and helpless. I own my distinctive emotions and attractions that the world cant seem to comprehend. Having to watch what I say and do, im always on call. Many different roles I am called to play but no one seems to appreciate them.
Sometime it get hard, but in the face of everything you have to press on. No one can ever see you naked. My eyes are glossed over with the hatred of the world. The images I have seen, the things I have heard, the horrific thoughts that plague me everyday. No one knows my pain, nor would I want them to.
With all this weighing heavily on my mind and body 24 hours a day, 365 days a year it's a suprise I havent went completly crazy but in order to go crazy I would have to have a complete loss of control, everyone likes to feel that they are in control of their own lives, and when we feel out of control we do whatever it takes to regain it.
Im still here...
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